My advice to you is that you should return your library books

I’ve been feeling like a total flake and irresponsible person in the past week. This has been a real bummer because it hasn’t been because of my current actions or behavior, I’ve been making progress towards my goals, but rather because I have been addressing and working with previous shortcomings and that has me facing some feelings. Case in point: I moved with two library books. And, I didn’t even forget that I had them. I knew they were there. I just didn’t think of them until my books were all packed. And, then I didn’t think of them again until my pod was all packed. But, I’ve graduated, so of course the library wants them back. And, I don’t need them anymore. In fact, one of them I have already purchased a copy of my own so that I could have it as a resource. The other one is a book I checked out because of idle curiosity. So, I did the responsible thing. I saw the email from the library, so I made a note to myself to call and schedule access to my pod. Once access was scheduled, I put it on the calendar and set the time aside to go search my pod for the books. I dealt with the overwhelming feelings one gets when they open their storage unit. (One feeling really: why do I have all this stuff? Why do I keep carting around most of this?) Then, I set about rearranging things so I could get to the boxes of books which were, of course, mostly near the back. I had to do this twice because the first path to the book boxes only gained me access to a few boxes. The second path was better. I found the second book in the third box (it was the third book down!) (I found the first book with my books in my house. Apparently, a part of me did know I’d need to send it back.)

And, it all feels so silly and shameful, like I’ve done something wrong. When, what did I do? Borrow library books? That is the point of library books. And, now I’m returning them. It is no big deal. But, it feels stupid and thoughtless, even though I can think back to when I packed everything up to move, a move I made with just over a month’s notice, a month in which I had to be away from home for a conference for two weeks. I did okay. Even if it doesn’t feel like I did okay. It is okay, even if there were more efficient ways I could have done it.

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