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Thanks to the wonderful and glorious John, Stephy's boyfriend, I can tell you that if listening to my podcast from the site doesn't float your boat, you can open iTunes, go to "Advanced", and type in the url: http://www.thefilmnoirexperience.com/html. It should then find and download the show for you. Hooray!
This morning I woke up thinking about what it means to be a good person. I know, what a weird thing to think about at 8 o'clock in the morning. But, I'm a weird girl. I was wondering, what exactly does it take to be a decent person? Is it kindness? Is it love? Is it respect or honor or empathy?
Which got me thinking, being a good person seems to be something that you do in context. In the context of being around other people. I suppose it does matter what you are like when you are on your own. You can be kind to yourself. You can love yourself. You can respect yourself and what is around you, even if those things are not other people. You can sympathize for other creatures. But, it seems to really matter in how you treat other people.
I have been listening to MIT's open courseware. Specifically, I have been listening to lectures given on psychology by a man named Jeremy Wolfe. I am only about four lectures in the series (or rather, the semester's worth of lectures) but Dr. Wolfe has pointed out that empathy is hardwired into the brain. We are empathic creatures, whether we know it or not, because as social creatures it is advantageous to for emotion to be catching. His example was wilderbeests. Now, if you are a wilderbeest and you see a cheetah, you get scared. And, if you can't see a cheetah, but you can see another scared wilderbeest, its in your best interest to get scared as well because if one of you is scared, then there is probably a threat. So, if its part of our biological programming to empathetic, is it still necessary to the definition of what a decent human being is?
Greetings and Salutations, Blog readers! I am very pleased to announce that my very first podcasting effort is up and live and ready and waiting for you to listen to and enjoy! You should be able to just click on it and play it.
You will find the little bundle of joy, entitled "Warts and All" here.
I would like to thank everyone who has encouraged me in this effort, including My Dad, Beth and Preston for downloading the test tune and/or your comments. I am really very excited about this. And, while it is not perfect, I feel that it is a good first effort and I hope that you enjoy it.
If you have any questions or constructive criticism, please let me know.
So, I am hoping that I will be able to get my very first podcast up this weekend! I am thinking that, as a trial run I may put up a short story, read by me.
Thank you to Beth for letting me know that my link worked.
Hooray!
Deyo's Minuet in D Minor fromwww.Podsafeaudio.com
If you can download this, please comment and let me know it worked.
Coming Soon: A podcast by Yours Truly. I'm still working out what sort of working at the details of what kind of podcast its going to be. To be honest, at the minute, I'm thinking about just throwing things at the wall for a few episodes to see what sticks.
Even though I still have a sock to finish (and I can't remember what I did with the pattern for it, so it is on temporary hold...like everything else in my life right now) I am well on the hunt for a tank top pattern.
There was the one that I posted yesterday, but I was thinking about it overnight and I think what is fun about that pattern is the type of yarn that it calls for....and I also think that type of yarn that is called for might make me look older than I am (and not in the good way) when I wore the tank top. I don't know.
On an unrelated note: This is a recipe for homemade ginger ale.
Back to knitting. I have two other patterns that are now in the running:
The first is this one:
the asana top. It doesn't seem too complicated, it was inspired by yoga (hence the name.)
And, the second pattern, which seems a little more complicated (but I'm reasonably confident I could figure it out) is here: Knitting for Boozehags tank top pattern. First off, the website that its on...how great is that? Knitting for Boozehags? That just makes me want to pour a glass of wine and break out the knitting needles and some swing music. Also, check out the graphics on that page. For those of you that don't know, I have a thing for that style of art work...anything from between like, 1910-1930, or anything in that sort of Glaswegian, Charles Rennie Mackintosh sort of style...I am so there.
So, if you are one of my seven readers, and you also happen to be a knitter, let me know what you think of these patterns.
Recently, while I was listening to Cast On, the wonderful podcast by Brenda Dayne it occurred to me that I will never grow as a knitter if I do not branch out from what I can do into the realm of things that I may be able to do but that I don't know for sure that I can do.
Does that make sense?
So, I've decided that I am going to make a tank top. So, this morning I've started to look for patterns. I think I found one that I can make with fun yarn, that will be in the round until you get to the arm holes and then it splits. The pattern is here.
I'm pretty excited about my new potential project.
Also, this is the first entry in the category "knitting". I'm a little surprised by this.
On Tuesday I went to my appointment with Cardiff's National Insurance Number Team. The point of the exercise was to fill out paperwork and to prove to them that I am who I am and that I have the right to work in the UK. National Insurance is something like America's Social Security in that you need a number, and you are issued with a number and they use it to appropriately tax people. Fun.
Now, the important thing to remember in all of this was that I had to prove that I was me. You must remember this, or none of what follows will seem wonderous.
(Did you get the Dickens reference in the last two paragraphs?)
Anyway, I took all my pieces of paper to the office and actually had a nice chat whilst filling out paperwork with the guy who was in charge of my paperwork for the day. I then came home and made Beef Stroganoff and chilled with my boyfriend who had the day off.
That was Tuesday.
Wednesday rolls around and I wake up and putter around and eventually check my email to discover a message from my Dad saying that I need to call the credit card company; its urgent. Now, this has happened before. Every now and again, my transactions get flagged and I have to call and say, yes, I did that. Yes, I did this. So, I sat down and picked up the phone and gave them a bell. And, they gave me a list of ENORMOUS transactions in places like Coventry.
I said to the man, "Whoa! I can tell you exactly where that card has been used. I can even tell you the Post Codes of the places it has been used because I keep track of these things."
The man said to me, "Are you sure? Because the card as been swiped and things have been signed for."
I said, "I don't know how that's possible as I didn't use it at those places and I'm looking right at the card."
Great. Apparently someone has been having a good time pretending to me. It would seem that they had cloned my card and also managed to get my pin number (! How the hell did that happen!?!) The banks in Britain have all gone to "chip and pin" cards that you always use a pin number for and that you tend not to swipe and sign for. (Note: I am not saying this is a better system, as there are problems with it as well.) So, the man went through the procedure of what I could do and thankfully the bank is insured for it, but it means paperwork and destroying my card and getting a new one. Which is always lots of fun. So, I had to call a different number and go back through the transactions. Fun.
Now, I find this whole thing funny. I didn't find it so yesterday. I spent most of yesterday positively distraught, sitting by myself in whichever room of the house didn't have other people in it. Later in the evening, I calmed down a bit and got out my knitting. I put on a few podcasts, including one I just found this summer called Cast On. Yes, it is a knitting podcast. It is more about knitting culture than about knitting in particular. While the host, Brenda Dayne did talk about socks and various projects, she also talked about other things.
Two things came from this: 1. I was reminded that I want to try my hand at podcasting. And, so this morning I have been looking into that possibility and trying to sort out the logistical stuff associated with that. Its actually been fun. 2. A visit to the Cast On website brought to the site of one of the podcast's sponsors: Tactile Travel. They set up tours in Italy around the textile industry. So, you and a group of knitting friends can visit the home of Italian wool production and eat loads of excellent Northern Italian food and drink some great wine.
And, I got to thinking.... I know knitters. I know knitters who know knitters. So, I toss this idea out to my seven readers: Is anyone interested in going on a Knitting holiday? Leave a comment, and we could discuss the possibility.
I am sitting here, in the front room of the house that I rent with Boyfriend and Housemate, waiting for it to be the right time for me to call my Parents.
We like to pre-arrange times for phone calls, so that, if possible everyone can be present. If it works out, no one has to get up early or stay up too late. Days like today, lazy sunday afternoons when one doesn't do much anyway are highlighted by these phone calls.
The waiting was fine, until about half an hour ago, when Housemate and her boyfriend woke up and came downstairs. Its not that they bother me, its that I was enjoying the peace and quiet. Last night, after a wedding that lasted well into the night we went with Housemate and her boyfriend to a Rock Club where we met up with other wedding guests and I was reminded of two things:
1. I'm over going to clubs and being drunk and being surrounded by other similarly intoxicated people
2. Anais Nin once said, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
That is, more than likely a paraphrase.
And, those two things are related.
I think I'm angry all the time. I think that I'm also frequently bored. I even think that I'm resentful of this anger and this boredom. I think I'm resentful of doing the same things over and over again with people whom I don't really get and who don't share my life view or any desire to move forward with their lives.
Not that I want to condemn people who are happy with how their lives are and who wish to maintain them as they are. What I'm meaning to do is to say that I am the sort of person who wants to make plans and move forward and learn new things and explore. And, I don't want to always be angry. I don't want to be bored. I want to be focused. I want to be thorough. I want to be engaged and interested. I want to be able to ask questions and toss out ideas and I want to be able to discuss things.
I want to be able to make plans and move forward.
The wedding was wonderful. It was such a nice day. It was so good to be around vibrant and happy people that I care for very much and to celebrate the union of a Friend with his Love.
I am reading a book by a man named Colin Wilson that was published in the early eighties and is about the brain. I can't think of what its called at the moment, but so far I have read two chapters and it has reminded me about the difference between what is actually happening and our perceptions of what is actually happening. Wilson points out that because we base our judgments on our past experience, we can freak ourselves out or get depressed and frustrated about something before it even happens. Its good to have these little reminders.
There is a big, long rant that should be here, but I don't feel like retyping it. Its a beautiful day out, I'm going to go sit in the garden, listen to my learn Mandarin Chinese podcasts and contemplate the future.
I feel awkward. That's really the only way to describe it. I feel like I've breached some sort of etiquette, like a skipped over a protocol. It is more likely that what I am feeling is that I do not believe that I am living up to my potential and I am unsure as to how I should proceed. How do I go about applying for PhD programs? I know how to request paperwork and fill things out. I even know how to ask people for letters of reference/recommendation (or, at least I think I do) but, how do I contact people and tell them that even though I've done fuck all with the last year of my life.
I feel like, by the time a person gets to be my age, they should have a little something to show for all the that they've done. I don't feel like I do. I suppose this is something at everyone feels at some point. I'm sure, like a good grown up I'll either get over it or I'll learn to fake being over it well enough that I'll pull my shit together and come up with some reasonable explanation as to why I've been such a fuck up. Its just, right now, I feel awkward.
Today, I feel good. I've been having all sorts of weird dreams, many of them very Harry Potter-esque. I'm thinking of starting a dream journal. (And, I have the perfect blank book to do it in, given to me by a very good friend of mine before I moved here in the first place.) The problem with starting a dream journal is, that to really get the jump on writing things down, you have to wake up and really write them down instead of trying to hold on to the dream, squeezing your eyes shut and pretending to not be awake.
Although the sun has not, in fact, come out today, I feel like it has. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Starting next week, I will be working at a furniture store. An international furniture. One that shall remain nameless, but I'm sure it won't take you long to guess. I aced the interview. I walked out of it yesterday knowing they were going to offer me the job. Some of my answers were so good that they made part of the interview question set (that they have to ask every potential new hire) redundant. Clearly, you don't get to be a lead at the bookstore by not learning a thing or two about how to organize yourself, your time and other people.
I was thinking on the bus ride home about how Academia and Retail aren't that different. (Although, I bet Academia is cringing at the comparison.) The whole point of retail is to sell things. To put them in the right place, in the right package in order to attract the customers' eyes and to shift units. One of the many things one does in Academia is to appropriately package ideas, put them in the right place, express them in the right way in order to convince other Academics of the veracity of their claims (or, at the very least, to convince them of the rigorousness of their methodology.) They both require that you get really good at a particular skill set. And, while those skill sets definitely have their difference (I've never once been asked to count back change in the classroom) the skill sets do overlap in some ways. Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm not completely wasting my time. Or, maybe I'm on to something.
But, that's not the only reason I feel like the sun has come out.
John's and my friend Gav has found a kitten. There has been some discussion about whether or not we are allowed to have pets in the house. But, Gav called up today and asked," Did you say you wanted a cat?" Why, yes. I answered. "Because, we've got this kitten that's been hanging out the back now for three days and no one has come looking for it. So, if you want it..."
Now, I obviously have to get the input of a number of people before I take the little beast off of Gavin's hands. But, I have to go pay the rent today and since I do that by walking over to my landlord's house, I'm going to ask him what he thinks. Also, I'm going to have to ask John and Housemate what they think as well.
Even if it doesn't work out, today is still a good day.
